


Sing me a Song of a Witcher so Scorned

by byronicmusings



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Animals love Geralt, Banter, But it gets slightly serious at the end, Crack, Disney Princess Geralt, Feelings, Geralt is amused, Geralt smiles!!!, Humour, Jaskier is a drama queen, Jaskier is confused, M/M, Sort Of, and also kinda tired, they're both idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:20:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23077708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byronicmusings/pseuds/byronicmusings
Summary: ‘Geralt.’No reply.‘Geralt.’There was a sigh, and Geralt opened his eyes, shifting his gaze to Jaskier. He was meditating next to the bed, swords placed in front of him for easy reach, which was totally normal, really, but -‘Geralt. Why are there chickens in the room?’~Jaskier discovers an interesting fact about Geralt and writes a ballad about it. After getting chased by a murderous chicken, of course.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 29
Kudos: 422





	Sing me a Song of a Witcher so Scorned

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who's finally writing something that isn't angst!!  
> This was supposed to be a short crack fic but then it spiraled out of control (unsurprisingly).

It was subtle, at first, subtle enough that Jaskier took no notice despite having travelled with Geralt for years. 

It wasn’t that he was unobservant, mind you, because despite his carefree and easygoing manner he was still a bard, - which contrary to popular belief needed more than singing skills and good looks thank you very much - and attentiveness was crucial when it came to dealing with royal courts and rowdy taverns, when it came to sensing the mood of his audience or maneuvering the sticky politics of the elite. 

It was just that the notion seemed so ridiculous that Jaskier didn’t even bother connecting the two dots together, even though the evidence was right in front of him all along. 

~

He couldn’t really pinpoint the first time it happened, mainly because it started out small, and he’d assumed that such were the natural order of things in the wild. 

It started out with birds, which were a common enough occurrence both inside and outside cities that Jaskier paid them little mind. He welcomed the merry chirping and the lively flap of wings every now and then, which added some colour to their dull treks through mud and broken branches. 

But then they started appearing too often.

The first time Jaskier brought it up, they were a week into their journey to one of the more remote towns. He was getting bored and exhausted of all the walking they were doing and so decided to distract himself by counting all the animals they came across. 

‘There’s an awful lot of birds in this forest, Geralt.’ Jaskier noted, staring intently at a group of spotted woodpeckers hopping about a branch in front of him. There was one with a fairly distinguishable pattern on its black coat, and he swore he’d seen it somewhere before. 

‘Hmmm.’ Geralt replied, not even bothering to look up. He was cleaning his sword with a dirty - really dirty - rag, and Jaskier wasn’t even sure if the sword was being cleaned or being smeared with dirt. 

‘You know, okay this sounds crazy -’ 

‘That’s nothing new.’

‘But I - Geralt! I’m going to pretend that I didn’t hear that - But I think those birds have been following us for about a week now.’ 

Geralt paused and looked up with narrowed eyes, gaze shifting from Jaskier to the birds and back to Jaskier again. There was a moment of silence. Something akin to concern appeared on Geralt’s face, and Jaskier was kind of alarmed actually, _are we in danger,_ until - 

‘Have you gone mad from all that walking?’ Geralt stood up and made his way to him, placing the back of his hand on Jaskier’s forehead. ‘No fever. Hmm.’

‘I- Wha-,’ Jaskier spluttered, hands flailing around. ‘I- I’m not mad!’

‘Hmm,’ was Geralt’s reply, and that was the end of that. 

The birds were still there the next day. 

~

The second time it happened they were in one of the bigger towns, squeezing their way through crowded streets - although honesty it was more of Geralt shoving and glaring people out of the way and Jaskier sticking close behind. They were short of coin and weary from travel, and were attempting to find an inn that didn’t charge a leg for a shitty meal and an even shittier room. 

‘This place is a fucking maze,’ Geralt growled after yet another dead end, kicking a barrel in frustration. They were in a seedier part of town now, with dark alleys and shady figures hanging about, and Jaskier was actually surprised that no one had tried to rob them yet. Although… looking at Geralt’s stormy expression right now - ooh yeah okay that’s his _ultra-scary_ face - no one in their right mind would have picked a fight with them. It was all the more better really, but Jaskier hoped they’d find the inn soon, because his feet were killing him. 

‘Well,’ Jaskier clapped his hands, attempting to inject some semblance of optimism. ‘At least it’s a city we’re lost in, and not some godforsaken wasteland. Could’ve been much worse.’ 

Geralt grunted and stormed off in a new direction, leaving Jaskier scrambling to keep up with the witcher's pace. A patter of footsteps sounded behind him and Jaskier braced for an attack, but he turned only to find a grey mastiff trotting up to them, its blue eyes flickering from Jaskier to Geralt. 

'Why hello there!' Jaskier cooed, getting down on one knee to scratch at the dog's head. 'Geralt, we have a new companion!' The dog yipped excitedly and wagged its tail. Geralt paused and looked back over his shoulder. 

The dog wormed its way out of Jaskier's grip and bounded up to Geralt, barking in excitement. 'Aww look at that! It likes you!' Jaskier said, before noticing Geralt's sour expression. 'Oh come on, Geralt, don't be such a grump. It's just a dog, there's no need to get suspicious.' 

Geralt turned and resumed walking, ignoring both Jaskier and the dog. Jaskier thought that he could see a storm cloud hovering above the witcher’s sullen form, which was kind of amusing, really, when in contrast there was an over-enthusiastic dog jumping about and barking merrily next to him, all sunshine and flowers and what not. Geralt didn’t chase the dog away, to Jaskier’s surprise, and instead grudgingly tolerated the dog’s presence.

The dog followed them until they found the inn a few minutes later, and Jaskier almost missed the way Geralt nodded to the dog in solemn acknowledgement before disappearing into the inn. Jaskier raised a brow at that, and lowered himself down to give the dog a pat of goodbye before it slunk off into the shadows. _What was that?_

~

It started getting crazier afterwards.

They were in Skellige, and had managed to get a lovely little room near the harbours of Kaer Trolde. It was getting late - Geralt had retired to their chambers after dinner to prepare for tomorrow's hunt, and had left Jaskier to his carousing and performing. The Skelligens were a surprisingly lively bunch and had an exquisite taste for music, despite their gruff and battle hardened exteriors, and Jaskier might have partied too much and drank a little more ale than normal. He stumbled into the chambers, tipsy and red-faced, and was more than ready to pass out on the bed, but the sight that welcomed him was so baffling that he sobered up almost immediately. 

‘Geralt.’ 

No reply.

_‘Geralt.’_

There was a sigh, and Geralt opened his eyes, shifting his gaze to Jaskier. He was meditating next to the bed, swords placed in front of him for easy reach, which was totally normal, really, but - 

‘Geralt. Why are there chickens in the room?’ 

Said chickens were cheerfully clucking about the room, casually waddling about as if they owned the place. There were about five of them, and they were dropping feathers everywhere, and weren’t chickens supposed to sleep at night? Jaskier was very sure that chickens had to sleep - 

‘They followed me in,’ Geralt replied nonchalantly, as if that explained everything. He closed his eyes and attempted to go back to meditating. A particularly brave chicken approached Geralt and started pecking at his swords. Jaskier was pretty sure that he was hallucinating. 

‘They- What?’ Jaskier rubbed his eyes and pinched his arm because _I must be dreaming - nope still there, maybe I should slap myself -_ when he saw a chicken walking up to him. Now Jaskier didn’t count himself a coward - hell, he’d been travelling with a witcher and getting up close with all kinds of monsters - so yes he did think himself brave, but gods this chicken was really big and scary looking and was walking towards him with such purpose and a glint in its eyes that Jaskier was very sure that the chicken was intending to kill him and peck him to death. He yelped, ran to the bed, and grabbed a hairbrush from the dresser, just in case he needed to throw something.

‘Geralt!’ He might have shrieked slightly louder than necessary, but that was because he was panicking and oh god the chicken was walking to the bed now, its feathers were ruffled, its wings were spread aggressively wide and it was staring at Jaskier with a very angry look and he was honestly feeling _really_ threatened - ‘Geralt! Get the chickens out!’

Geralt gave a great sigh, stood up and - 

Walked right out. 

Jaskier gasped with indignation. _The bastard! Leaving me here with murderous chickens! I swear I'm going to haunt -_

The chickens waddled out of the room after Geralt. 

Jaskier was too stunned to move.

‘What the fuck.’ 

~

Jaskier became much more wary of animals after that _\- especially chickens -_ and it didn’t help that Geralt had refused to give him any form of explanation despite much pestering from Jaskier's end. He decided that he would not be caught unaware again, and so was on his guard when they arrived at the Seven Cats Inn.

He squinted suspiciously at the cats and hens wondering about outside and practically stuck himself to Geralt, in case one of them tried to attack him. Jaskier knew he looked ridiculous - tense shoulders, eyes warily darting from side to side like a mad man, clinging onto a _witcher_ for god's sake - but he knew what those little shits were capable of, and he valued his life. Geralt gave him a sideway glance, and if Jaskier wasn’t so preoccupied he might have seen the amused smirk on Geralt’s face. 

They entered the inn with no incident - thankfully, Jaskier heaved a great sigh of relief - and found a quiet corner to sit at. They ordered the inn’s special - meatloaf, hunter’s pot and spiced pork - which turned out to be so good that all thoughts of murderous chickens soon fled from Jaskier’s mind. He took out his lute and, soon enough, was prancing around and leading the whole tavern along on one of his livelier jigs. 

He returned to their table sometime later in high spirits, with a pouch full of coins and a belly full of ale, but stopped short when he noticed that Geralt was not alone. 

‘Uh, Geralt?’ He asked tentatively, and eight pairs of cat eyes shot towards him - yes, eight, because the seven cats from earlier had materialized inside and were currently surrounding Geralt, on the table, seats and the floor - and holy hell that was _fucking terrifying_ , it was dark out and their eyes were all glowing, he was so going to get nightmares from this, first the chickens now the cats - 

‘Sit down, Jaskier,’ Geralt said calmly, as if it was just a normal night at the tavern, as if he wasn’t surrounded by seven cats who were all silently staring at Jaskier with bright intelligent eyes and oh ho he knew that look, they were definitely planning his murder, thinking up some elaborate plan to get him poisoned or - 

‘Jaskier,’ Geralt’s deep voice started him out of his thoughts. He sighed and placed his tankard of ale down on the table. ‘Relax, they’re not going to hurt you.’ The cat closest to him meowed something akin to affirmation. 

Jaskier narrowed his eyes in suspicion. 'The last time something like this happened -' 

‘Please don’t talk about the chickens.’

Jaskier’s mouth snapped shut. ‘Urgh, fine.’ 

He approached the table warily as Geralt turned his gaze on the brown tabby cat sprawled lazily on Jaskier’s seat. Green eyes met golden ones, and Jaskier watched with fascination as cat and witcher stared at each other for a few seconds, before the cat meowed in annoyance and hopped off his seat with all the grace of a petulant child. It sauntered off to a neighbouring seat and settled itself comfortably on the empty table, not before piercing Jaskier with an emerald eyed stare.

He hesitantly lowered himself down on his newly vacated seat, making sure to not kick the cat under the table lest it claw his leg off. He cleared his throat. 

'I am really uncomfortable right now.' He could feel the gazes of the cats on him. 

'I can see that.' Geralt raised his tankard to drink, and Jaskier saw the badly concealed grin behind it. 

'You bastard! Well I'm glad to see that you're having fun.' Out of pettiness, Jaskier snatched Geralt's drink and drained it all in one gulp. Geralt raised a brow, but didn't try to stop him. 

'So. First we were stalked by birds, and then chickens invaded our room, and now you have an -’ Jaskier gestured, 'an army of cats. I know for sure that they didn't follow us in, otherwise I would have noticed. What the fuck is happening Geralt? Is this a witcher thing? This ability to attract feral chickens and summon cats something they teach you at Kaer Morhen?' 

Geralt snorted. 'Well, what can I say? Animals love me.' 

'You're not answering the question.' 

'Hmm.' Geralt made as if to reach for his ale, but shot Jaskier an annoyed look when he remembered that the bard had drank all of it. Jaskier was unperturbed. 

‘I'm serious, Geralt.’

‘Now that’s new,’ Geralt mumbled under his breath.

Jaskier gave him a look. 

‘Don’t you think you owe me at least some sort of explanation, hmm? Seeing how we’ve been travelling together for a while now, and probably will continue to do so in the foreseeable future? Why do animals keep following us around? Or more specifically, why do they keep following you around?’ Jaskier leaned forward, ending his question with a hard poke to Geralt’s chest. 

Geralt’s eyes surveyed the tavern, and Jaskier had the distinctive feeling that Geralt was looking for an escape route. Jaskier narrowed his eyes. 

There was a pause, and then a great sigh. 

‘I don’t know.’ 

Jaskier blinked. ‘What? How can you not know?’ 

‘That’s the point. This,' he gestured vaguely, 'just happens.' Geralt gave a disgruntled expression, one Jaskier interpreted as _I really don't know how to explain this to you_. He nodded encouragingly and waited, giving Geralt some time to collect his thoughts. 

'Animals gravitate to me,' he continued, speaking slowly, as if testing out the words on his tongue. 'Not all, but some. The effect of my presence on animals differ based on species and the individual animal, but most just follow me around. This usually happens when I'm in their territory, but there are others who can be more…. obsessive, protective even.' 

'The chickens,' Jaskier supplied.

Geralt nodded solemnly. 'The chickens.'

Jaskier mulled over the new bit of information before perking up. ‘Well, that certainly explains a lot!’ A thought struck him, and his eyes widened in excitement as he leaned over on his forearms. ‘Wait, does that mean you can talk to animals?

There was a slight pause as a black kitten padded over to Geralt, confidently laying its head on his thigh. He raised his eyebrows as it snuggled closer for warmth, but didn’t make to move the cat. Jaskier thought that the whole scene was endearing, really, and wished he could immortalize this moment on paper. Who knew that the grumpy old witcher had a soft spot for cats? 

‘I can understand them to some extent, through fragmented thoughts or strong emotions,’ Geralt said, absentmindedly lifting a hand to run his hands through soft fur. ‘But no, I can’t hold a conversation like this with them.’ 

Jaskier stroked his chin, eyes lit up in enlightenment. ‘Hmm... interesting, yes yes very interesting.’ He muttered to himself. ‘Not only a friend of humanity, but a friend of animals as well! I should add a verse…. Or maybe not… That wouldn’t suffice. This calls for a ballad!’ He exclaimed the last bit a tad too loudly in his excitement, drawing an annoyed hiss from the kitten.

‘Careful,’ Geralt said, face set in a grim line, but Jaskier saw the mirth dancing in his eyes. ‘This one will bite.’ 

Jaskier gave a nervous laugh. 

_~_

The ballad turned out to be a magical tale of a witcher, who, so shunned by the human population, decided to leave and spend the rest of his life in a little hut deep within the forest. 

The forest's inhabitants were wary of the newcomer at first, of the huge man and his scarred face, of his inhumane golden eyes that lit up eerily in the dark. They could sense the lingering stench of blood and death whenever he went, and no animal dared to approach him for fear of their safety. 

For the witcher, though, life was as much the same, with just him and his loyal mare. She became restless not long after moving in, and he knew that she itched to gallop on the open roads, to feel the wind in her mane once again. That same urge burned deep within him too, and so one day he took her on rounds around the faded footpaths, revelling in the nostalgia and exhilaration of something that was once so familiar. 

The animals saw how he treated her with care, how he tenderly brushed her mane, how he gently stroked her flank and fed her hay with soft whispers of praise. Some soon gained the courage to approach him, lingering around the edges of the hut - birds fluttered about the trees, foxes scuttered around, but the witcher made no acknowledgement of them, save for a wooden bowl of seeds and a trough of fresh water from the well. 

Most were still wary of him, skittish of his intimidating form, when one day the witcher came across an injured fawn. He gently carried her to his home, patiently dressed the wounds, and within days she was healthily prancing about. Before long all sorts of animals came by his hut, for they now knew that the witcher was a man they could trust - he hunted with wolves and sat among bears, left out nuts for the racoons and deers and fruits for the hares.

That was the tale that came to be, of a witcher so wrongly scorned, finding peace and contentment in his furred and feathered companions. Here he wasn’t shunned, not anymore, because even animals could see past his cold and gruff exterior, could see how under it all he was kind-hearted and compassionate and loved all those he cared for. 

~

Jaskier first performed the ballad for Geralt as they were travelling through the lush green fields of Velen, singing to the rhythmic beat of their footsteps on hard gravel. Geralt had grumbled something about how they were exaggerations, - ' _he wasn't that kind_ ', - that he needed to ‘ _maintain his reputation as a emotionless mutant_ ’ - because people were less likely to pick a fight with him or argue about pay, and if they wanted to hate on him, so be it. But Jaskier was having none of it. 

'Deny it all you want, but it's true. You talk about how you don't get involved in other people's affairs, but you always do, because underneath your stoic appearance, you do care. I've been travelling with you all these years, Geralt, I know you're shit with emotions, but I also know that you're a man of action. I've seen you willingly help chase after a man's spooked horse, seen you accepting severely underpaid jobs from poor villagers. That's because you have a good heart, Geralt. And if I can't get you to see that, then I'll have to show the rest of the world how kind and caring you are, how you don't deserve to be called a monster and a freak, and I wont ever stop even if I have to shout my ballads across continents until my throat bleeds.' 

Jaskier was out of breath, too caught up in his rant, and didn't notice when Geralt stopped abruptly in his tracks. He walked on a few steps, turned around in confusion, and then tilted his head in question at Geralt, who was staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face. There were a few moments of silence. 

And then Geralt's features softened, a small smile appeared, and there was something so open and trusting and affectionate in that look that Jaskier's heart picked up and he couldn't breathe and for a dizzying moment the world came to a stop. He distantly remembered thinking how wrong the romantic songs and corny poems about love were, because those could never, ever come close to describing what he was experiencing right now. 

'Thank you, Jaskier,' Geralt said, as he looked him in the eyes, as the setting sun cast him in a gentle golden glow, and it was too much for Jaskier - he was caught off guard, he didn't know how to react.

'I- ah,' Jaskier was sure that his face was red. He cleared his throat.

Geralt walked up to him, smile morphing into a smirk. 'Oh. Have I finally rendered you speechless?' 

'Ha-ha. Very funny, Geralt.' Jaskier paused, gathered himself together. 'You're welcome, by the way. You really should say 'thank you' more, you know. Makes you more likeable.' 

'Can't. That's your job, isn't it? Making me likeable through sappy ballads.'

Jaskier gasped in feigned outrage, reached out to hit Geralt's arm. 'Sappy!? My ballads are not _sappy_!' 

'Hmm.' Geralt said, a shit-eating grin on his face, and he looked so pleased with himself that Jaskier couldn't help but break into a smile of his own.

**Author's Note:**

> The chicken thing actually happened to me in Kaer Trolde - a particularly adventurous chicken followed me into the room (without axii), casually walked all over the place, and then left through the door connected to the tavern's dining area. Afterwards I was like hey!! yknow how animals follow Geralt around if you axii them?? What if there wasn't any axii!! What if animals just like following Geralt around!!! So there you have it
> 
> I had a couple more ideas I wanted to expand on, but I didn't want to drag this fic on for too long soo they'll probably be posted as separate pieces (once I actually get down to writing them, that is).


End file.
